A few weeks ago, I complained on Twitter that one of the things that really bugs be about Vancouver is that people don’t seem to drop by each others’ places nearly often enough. In any other part of the country that I’ve lived in or visited, people seem far more likely to make unannounced (but entirely welcome) visits to their friends and family.
I wish I understood what it was about our city’s culture that makes these brief, casual, and unannounced visits generally unwelcome. As I’ve started putting questions to others about this phenomenon, I’ve been surprised at how many people that are horrified at the idea of unexpected visitors. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s one of the things I dislike about Vancouver; we’ve got a gorgeous and desirable city, but we’re not known for being particularly friendly–it’s almost like we have control issues with our interactions with others.
I’m under no illusions that I can single-handedly change the culture of this city, but I’d like to try a little experiment. To that end, I’m starting a little project for myself called “Please, stop by!“.
From now until the end of June, I intend on trying to drop in on Vancouver-area Twitter folk, if they’ll let me. My goal is thirty “stop by’s” by the end of the month, mostly during evenings and weekends.
I’m not talking about long onerous visits, just a pop-in for a quick cup of coffee, tea or water and a quick chat. If you’d care to show more hospitality than that, by all means, but it’s not at all necessary. Also, I promise not to show up empty-handed. Of course, I will call before I show up at your door so that I don’t show up at a bad time.
If you’d be willing to move past your (likely) reluctance and would be willing to help me out with this project, I need a few things from you:
- An open invitation to come over
- Some guidelines on when are better and worse times to come visit. (I want to respect your schedule, so need some guidance, but please don’t leave me with a single time slot–the whole point is not to make “appointments” ahead of time.)
- Your street address and phone number
If you’re willing to participate, please send me an email at plsstopby@cogno.ca with the above information.
I will likely write a little about the experience, but I promise not to violate your privacy or talk about your priceless spoon collection without your permission. I also promise to hold your address and contact information in the strictest of confidence.
So, who’s willing to ask me to “Please, stop by!”?
To keep my regular Twitter account uncluttered by this project, I’ve set up a new twitter handle: @plsstopby. I encourage you to follow it to keep track of my progress. and, yes, there will be opportunities to “stop by” on me… additional info on that part coming soon.
This is also one of my pet peeves about vancouver. Everywhere else I’ve lived this has been standard operating procedure… Here I feel like I need to triple confirm to even get a coffee with someone. So tiring…
Vancouver is quite unfriendly and closed. I read an article a while ago about why this is so, and someone said that you tend to stick with your high-school friends into adult life, so if you don’t have a crowd already from being forced together as teenagers, it’s hard to penetrate one.
Interesting that you say you’ve not encountered such reluctance in other parts of the country. In Ontario, I heard a woman from England lament how unfriendly Canadians are, in that they never invite you to their homes.
When I was younger (so much younger than today) and living in Whitehorse, YT some of our family friends would come over any time, and they wouldn’t even knock. You’d hear, “Hello neighbour!” as they let themselves in.
I am a lifelong Vancouverite who invites strangers, new friends and old friends over to my home all the time. Tyye are always welcome to pop over. We are out there.
This is not unique to Vancouver. I grew up in South Africa and we never made appointments to visit – we would simply stop by and if you were home, great. If not … well, we’d hopefully be home when you dropped by. It was a rude awakening when I moved to the UK and never ever got an invitation to drop by when in the neighbourhood; ever with close friends, I’d have to make arrangements to visit.
How is this project going …
I love this, Chris–and I totally concur: People here don’t do the ‘stop by’ very often at all. I’ve been pondering it for a while, and I think it’s related to how very, very image conscious Vancouver folks are and the fact that a lot of people here don’t have the close, life long friendships that involve the level of trust and intimacy required for the ‘stop by’. So many here are transplants (self included–my nearest highschool friend lives in Victoria, the rest are all back in Toronto) and so many people (again, self included
are consumed with how they appear to others. A ‘stop by’ might mean someone seeing your not so fancy apartment or messy kitchen. Even though that somewhat shabby West End apartment is probably costing an arm and a leg and everyone always has some dishes in their sink, we still worry about the impression it will give people. For all its virtues, Vancouver is a funny place. I’ve live here almost ten years and still don’t feel like I’ve cracked the code.
In any case: I’d love for you to stop by–just need to figure out when I’m not traveling and my door will be wide open
Chris, things aren’t much better here in Sydney, Australia. I will happily extend an invite for you to pop in any time you like, unannounced, but being in the neighbourhood is perhaps a little unlikely. So, it’s more likely that you’ll give me, say, 14 or 15 hours notice at least, but you’re welcome any time. I might even extend the hospitality beyond a quick cuppa coffee if you’re lucky
Come on by.